My Quandary

So I am having a predicament and I am really not sure what to do about it. How personal do I make my blog? You see I am having lots of learning experiences lately that have really opened my eyes to some of my own behaviors. Do I write about those or do I just keep this blog about the happenings in my family life. I am not sure what to do. This I think is why my posts have been few and far between lately.
For instance I have been reading some amazing books. I have had some ah-ha moments with them, some that have really awakened me to behaviors that I want to change in myself. But, I struggle with knowing what to share. Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. Hopefully, I will get it figured out and post more one way or the other..

Catch up

Oh! What a bad blogger I am. So much has happened. So I really would like to hit on the highlights. But, we usually take all the pictures with Jonathan's phone and so when I sit down to update, I think "I have got to go to his computer and get the pictures that I want." Than, end up not updating anything because I don't have the pictures to go along with it. So, my goal is to get these things done by the end of this week.
But for today I want to write what is on my mind right now.
I was reading in Matthew chapter 11. There were a few things that really stood out to me. In verse 19 it talks about how the Pharisees were judging Christ and he once again says it is by our works and deeds that will tell us in whom we follow.
This theme keeps playing out for me in my life. I am guessing the Lord really wants me to be aware of my actions towards others, especially those that are closest to me. Sometimes, it is easier to be nicer to strangers than the ones that I love. It also helps me to remember to not make unrighteous judgments. I can do better. I am thankful for this continual reminder for me in all the things I have been reading lately. For me it's like a big flashing sign that says " this is what you need to be working on." I am thankful for that.

Actions speak louder than words

I have always been a big believer in the saying actions speak louder than words. In the last general conference we had, I heard the quote "your actions are speaking so loudly, I can't hear what you are saying." I have tried to make sure that my words and actions are saying the same thing. Right now I am reading the most amazing book and I came across something that I would like to share.
" there is a power in every word we say and every thought we think, but sometimes the greatest service we can offer is not to say something. Words are but one form of communication and they are not nearly as potent as the energy contained in our actions, including our thoughts, body language, eye contact and facial expressions. You know you trust the energy behind the words spoken to you far more than you do the words themselves. When you say something you don't mean, you know the other person picks that up. You can feel it."
This was an Ah hah! Moment for me. I really want to commit myself to be able to do this and be this.

Just at the right time

It seems to me that whatever I am looking for I find it. If I choose to look for the bad in things I find it. The great thing about this is, it happens with the good also. I was having a particularly hard evening and decided to read and try and get my mind off of things that have been weighing me down. I found this great quote that I really want to share.

     
“... joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”

-Kahlil Gibran

A prayer by Thomas Merton

This is just what I needed today. So, I am going to share.


My Lord God

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am following

your will does not mean

that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that my desire to please you

does in fact please you.

And I hope that I have that desire

in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything

apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this

you will lead me by the right road

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always

though I may seem to be lost

and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear,

for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me

to face my troubles all alone.

Some of the hardest things to do

Lately, I will admit, that I have been having a rough time. But, I am grateful that the Lord sends Angels into my life right when I think I can't do it anymore. I know we all have these times and I really don't like publishing my boo hoo moments because I know I am not very different from so many other people. These are some of the things that have been on my mind lately.
Do I really follow Christ through my example? Am I willing to really forgive and turn the other cheek when I feel like I have been wronged? These are some of the things that have tested me lately. I can come up with justifications on why I did this or that. But, it really comes down to that I have taken Christs name upon me and in so doing I have a responsibility to be like him. Oh! and sometimes it is really hard!!
I was challenged by one of my angels to read D&C 121. This has really helped to give me perspective. I am thankful for the tender mercies of my heavenly father. I really needed one today.

My grandma

I went and visited my grandma yesterday. It was a bittersweet visit. I know that it was probably my last one with her while she is on this earth. I went and sat by her bedside and held her hand. The first thing she said to me was " oh your hands are cold." she than grabbed both of my hands and put them in between hers so she could warm them up. That small act of love is what my grandmother has always been about, thinking of others. She is such an example of what Jesus Christ taught. How blessed I am to have her as my grandma.


She played pat a cake with Adalyn and sang pop goes the weasel. We all sang if you're happy and you know it.
She seemed to wear out fast. I just held her hand and stared at her beautiful face while she slept. I love this woman so much. My heart filled with gratitude for being blessed enough to be her granddaughter, to be taught so many great lessons by her example throughout my life. While she will be missed here, I am thankful for the knowledge that I know she will be with my grandpa, dad, brother Joel, and so many other loved ones that have passed on. What a great reunion that will be..