If you can call it a job

At the end of December I got the best part time job ever. This is my job description.
1. Love Basketball, especially the Utah Jazz.
2. Help get the crowd excited during time outs and at half time.
3. Be willing to act crazy and have fun.
4. Be able to run up and down the stairs in the arena to give out free merchandise.
This is basically the job description. So, I get paid to watch the Jazz play basketball. This is the best job ever!!! I absolutely LOVE it..
The only downside to it is ugly uniforms..

sometimes

Sometimes life feels very lonely. Sometimes I am tired of putting on the face that everything is great when it is not. It is hard not feeling like I have any real friends, nobody that I feel like I can share my problems with, without feeling like I am burdening them.It's hard living in a place for a year and a half and not feeling included in my ward and neighborhood. I feel like I have really tried. But, there is the dang clique. Do adults really have cliques? This has been a hard transition, one that we have prayed about and felt good about but, it has been so hard!! I am trying, trying , trying but today I am tired... Tired of so many things. But, to even say them aloud or in writing brings on tremendous guilt because I shouldn't feel tired of being a mother or wife or babysitter or whatever hat I put on for the day. But, I am... Today I am tired of all these things and just want to stop... Sometimes I wish I could just stop.

My greatest accomplishments are sometimes my greatest sorrows.

As my kids are getting older and taking on new roles for themselves, I really have had much contemplation on my greatest role as being their mother. I have sorrow for my older ones as they have been my lab rats in the sense that everything was practiced on them first. I find myself a much better and patient mother to my younger ones than I was to my older ones. I am grateful for repentance and forgiveness, as I try and become better today than I was yesterday. My greatest joys and sorrows have been because of my wonderful and beautiful children.
I wonder what I can do better today than I did yesterday? I feel so much that they have got to be valiant and strong and so do I as their mother. They are being raised in enemy territory with so much of the world pulling at them. I need to make my home a place of refuge and peace. Sometimes that is hard but I have got to be willing to do better daily.
I came across some amazing quotes that I would love to share. They have really helped me have the desire to do better and not get so down on myself when my children choose to go astray.

"Let the father and mother, who are members of this Church and Kingdom, take a righteous course, and strive with all their might never to do a wrong, but to do good all their lives; if they have one child or one hundred children, if they conduct themselves towards them as they should, binding them to the Lord by their faith and prayers, I care not where those children go, they are bound up to their parents by an everlasting tie, and no power of earth or hell can separate them from their parents in eternity; they will return again to the fountain from whence they sprang."
(Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, 11:215)

Another one that I really liked.
A successful parent is one who has loved, one who has sacrificed, and one who
has cared for, taught, and ministered to the needs of a child. If you have done all of these and your child is still wayward or troublesome or worldly, it could well be that you are, nevertheless, a successful parent. Perhaps there are children who have come into the world that would challenge any set of parents under any set of circumstances. Likewise, perhaps there are others who would bless the lives of, and be a joy to, almost any father or mother. My concern today is that there are parents who may be pronouncing harsh judgments upon themselves and may be allowing these feelings to destroy their lives, when in fact they have done their best and should continue in faith. (Howard W. Hunter, Conference Report, October 1983)

I hope to do better, be better and rely on the Holy Ghost to help me be the best parent I can be.

My husband

I was reading a blog of a man who lost his wife a few months ago. He was going on about all the things that his wife did that he never realized until she was gone. It made me realize how truly grateful I am for my husband and I wanted to write it down.
Can I just say I am one blessed woman. I have a really good husband. I am spending forever with a man I still get butterflies with when I see him. I enjoy spending my time with him, talking to him about my triumphs and my sorrows. He is a righteous man who honors his priesthood. He is a great father who tries to teach by example. We have grown together in so many ways. I just love him! I am thankful for the advice and wisdom he shares with me to help me become a better person. I understand the wisdom in the counsel the Lord gives to cleave unto your spouse and none else. This year we celebrate 20 years of marriage. I know that is just a drop in the bucket of time that we have together. He is my best friend.

this affected me greatly today

I was reading 2 Nephi chapter 4 and it really affected me greatly. Oh my! What an amazing chapter this is. I so can identify with Nephi's feelings here. He is upset because of the weakness of his flesh and giving into sin and temptation. I had such feelings of sadness as I read this because I feel the same way lots of times. I have such a desire to do good but allow my human side to get in the way. I have listed in my mind many things that I want to work on to be better but fall short and I don't do them.
I want to be better at making sure our family is reading our scriptures. I want to be better at exercising. I want to be better about not speaking bad about people who I have chosen to be offended by or thinking bad about them too. I have a great desire to do better and be better. My actions affect so many more people than just myself. I have just got to try and do better today and take it one day at a time.
I love how Nephi says "Awake my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice O my heart and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation."
Those scriptures bring me great peace. It brings hope to me.

Aubrey's married

So, I have crossed one of those big moments in my life, I am now a mother in law. I've got to confess that when I first found out that Aubrey was engaged, there were a few temper tantrums on my part. I really went through the process of he is not good enough for her. She needs to wait a few more years and so on.
But, I am thankful to say that I am happy she is happy. Does that sound cliche? It is true though. It is fun to watch them start their new married life together, to remember some of my own experiences through theirs.

This life is ever changing and I am thankful for the constant learning that each new phase of my life presents.

Random thoughts on a "good clean Saturday"

I love the smell of Pinesol. I'm not sure what it is about this smell but I love it. Saturday is "good clean day" as we call it at my house and so on this day my house smells like Pinesol.If you could give smells an emotion it would be a happy smell for me.

Not much better than listening to Pandora U2 radio while cleaning. It just makes me want to dance while making my house spic and span.

Have you ever smelt Mrs. Meyers Basil scent household cleaner? It smells so good. Every time I use it, I almost want to lick the counter.

At the end of the day it's such a good feeling to have a clean house top to bottom and to know that the whole family pitched in to make it this way!!