Wednesday, March 3, 2010

a bit of ranting

Oh man! Sometimes it is so hard to be a parent. I have all the best intentions to be a good example to them, to try and make sure they know I love them and trust them. It just seems in the past few weeks it has become really hard to the point where I want to just pick up and go hide out for a week or so. I wouldn't do it but sometimes I sure feel like it. I am tired of the same behaviors being exhibited and than the consequences are handed out but it happens again. Yes, I am being vague on purpose to spare embarrassment to some of my children. But, what other things do I do? I feel like a failure. I really keep the mantra in my head "just keep swimming swimming..." over and over again. I try and talk with a soft voice even sometimes through clenched teeth and sometimes I don't speak softly at all but I yell... and than have major guilt when I say my prayers at night.
I love being a mother to my children. I am blessed with 5 beautiful, unique souls. But, man oh man! IT IS SO HARD!!!!! I will be happy if I can just get through this week in one piece.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

My big and little helper

I am a very healthy person. I hardly ever get sick, which is a great blessing, especially for a mother. But, yesterday I woke up with a migraine. I have had 4 migraine headaches in my life. It was completely debilitating. If I tried to get up, I became very dizzy and sick to my stomach. I wondered how in the heck I was going to take care of Adalyn. Aubrey had to be at school. Jonathan just started a new job and could not miss work. So, I asked Haylee if she would stay home and help me take care of Addie. She was more than willing to help me out. She did such a great job. She helped change her diaper. She stayed on my bed with her and watched TV while I slept. She even brought me a glass of water and rubbed my neck. She played with her and kept her entertained until Aubrey got home.
When Aubrey got home she took Adalyn and just let me sleep. She dressed her and even painted her toenails. It is so nice to not have to worry about these things when I am feeling sick. I really have such good girls.