Sometimes life feels very lonely. Sometimes I am tired of putting on the face that everything is great when it is not. It is hard not feeling like I have any real friends, nobody that I feel like I can share my problems with, without feeling like I am burdening them.It's hard living in a place for a year and a half and not feeling included in my ward and neighborhood. I feel like I have really tried. But, there is the dang clique. Do adults really have cliques? This has been a hard transition, one that we have prayed about and felt good about but, it has been so hard!! I am trying, trying , trying but today I am tired... Tired of so many things. But, to even say them aloud or in writing brings on tremendous guilt because I shouldn't feel tired of being a mother or wife or babysitter or whatever hat I put on for the day. But, I am... Today I am tired of all these things and just want to stop... Sometimes I wish I could just stop.
10 years ago
6 comments:
Don't feel guilty, we all feel this way sometimes. And I understand about the ward thing, when we lived in Springville we lived in the same ward for more then three years and I never felt accepted or at home, and I really tried, its frustrating. Maybe if you could find someone else that feels alone and unaccepted,then you could make a friend that way..... although I know being in nursery does not help! Don't give up you can do it,just remember that we all put on a face sometimes, we don't want people to know that we are hurting so we pretend that everything is great, your not the only one, I do it, we all do it. But I also know that it helps to not feel alone in how you are feeling. So I'm here to tell you that your not alone! For example,just last night I took a long shower, in which I sat down and bawled for 20 minutes, life is just so overwhelming, and its ok to admit it and acknowledge the fact that you need a good cry.
Yes, adults can have cliques. I've been there. I know how hard it can be and is. I know I live farther away so it's not quite the same, but I definitely consider you a friend. I am so grateful for the past few years and the closeness that it has brought to our cousins.
Don't feel guilty about being sad. Let yourself feel it, but also feel the love of your true friend, our Savior, Jesus Christ. He knows.
There are so many times that I wish we could just stop the pace of life, too, and step out all our obligations--to just get in touch with own personal needs, and have the time and energy to address them. I know that I am not in your ward or neighborhood, and there are times that there is no substitution for face to face interaction, but I am a person who would like to be a real friend to you. I would consider it to be a privilege rather than a burden to listen to you if ever just need someone to talk (or write) to. It's okay to get tired sometimes. Even supermoms need to be able to take some time out to recharge their batteries once in a while.
I pray you find friends and that you can find sollace in your wonderful sisters and cousins. I know its not the same as having some one around the corner you can go to but family makes the best friends. Prayers for you. And dont feel guilty too long I think we all feel that way at some time or another. Love you
Mel,
please call me anytime! I so agree with Amy. It is so normal and yet for some reason we all hide it. We have friends yet not really because you can't be your true self around them all the time. I absolutely love hanging out with you. I love the sense of HOME I fell around you. I don't think that is because we grew up together but it is more about feeling like you are safe and can be yourself! I love that! So - seriously call whenever! or just stop by. Lots of Love and Hugs!
Melanie
I just read this and know that there is someone just one street over that feels the exact.same.way! You are always welcome to come chat and tell me your troubles (its helps me to hear what others are going through and takes me outside of my own life). Eden and Adalyn play so well together. We need to do more play dates. And we still need to get some German food. Let's be better friends!
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