Dating Contract

Now that Aubrey is sixteen we as parents feel that it is our duty as her custodians to make sure that she feels safe and taken care of on the dates she goes on. I remember all to well some of my own dating experiences and so I want to keep her out of some of those situations if at all possible. So, we were talking with some of our good friends Roger and Larin. She told us of the dating contract that each of the boys had to sign before taking her or any of her sisters out. Well, we got it from her dad and put a little bit of our own into it.
At first Aubrey did not like the idea. But, I think she has finally gotten used to it and doesn't seem to mind it. Anyway, here is the contract. Tell me what you think?

Jonathan and Melanie Bond
Parents

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Defender of Honor

The Bond Family of Springville, Utah, acting as Celestial Custodians of Aubrey Bond, do stipulate the following terms and conditions contractually binding upon the defender for the high privilege of accompanying said daughter on petitioned dates between her ages of 16 and 18. The defender certifies that he will faithfully abide by these terms and does so of his own free will and choice:

• The defender will physically protect and defend said daughter from any situation fraught with peril (i.e., shady characters, associates involved with smoking, drugs, or alcohol, friends involved in moronic behavior, etc.).

• The defender agrees to pay for all "damages" encountered in the course of the date. Damages can consist of meals, transportation, sporting events, entertainment, accouterments (flowers, candy, perfume, bribes for the father/mother, etc.), however, NO live animals nor rings will be accepted! "Dutch" dating may be agreed to before hand.

• The defender will protect and promote virtue at all costs. defender will not engage in a goodnight" kiss with said daughter during the course of the date. At the end of the date, a goodnight kiss on extremely rare occurrences (approximately once every 33,414 dates) may be exchanged. Kiss will be exactly the kind given to his mother. Examples may be asked for! A peck on the cheek or a quick kiss on the lips of less than 3 nanoseconds duration may qualify. In addition, holding hands is limited to situations requiring chivalry (crossing the street, escorting to dance floor - father cannot think of any other examples!). Holding hands while walking in the park, walking to class, walking in the hallway or any other situation which causes other boys to view said defender and daughter as an "item" are strictly prohibited.

• Defender will have said daughter returned to her home by curfew. Curfew is 10 PM on weekdays and 11:30 PM on Fridays or Saturdays. Earlier arrivals are encouraged and looked upon favorably by said parents. Curfew requires said defender to vacate premises (no hanging around here after curfew!). Any suspected violations must be phoned in to the parents for notification and/or approval.

• Defender will acknowledge that said daughter is a jewel of priceless worth to her family. He will treat her with complete respect, courtesy, and will take all possible precautions to include but not limited to:
• Driving defensively and obeying all posted speed limits;
• Never parking in a car for conversation or amorous purposes;
• Avoiding all solitary dating situations (always being in the presence of the double dating couple);
• Never dating said daughter twice in a row (2 week minimum interval
required if daughter has not dated anyone else in the meantime);
• Never raising his voice in anger;
• Never pressuring her to do anything of a less than a celestial nature;
• Never acting like a jerk (as far as within his power!).


Entered into on this day of ____________


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