For the cause of Christ

I found this quote and absolutely loved it. I want to share..

"I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The dye has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, small planning, smooth knees, color-less dreams, tamed visions, worldly taking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, positions, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, am uplifted by prayer, and labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, divided, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the cause of Christ. I must go 'till He comes, give 'till I drop, preach 'till all know, and work 'till He stops me. And when He returns for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear."

I am amazed

I am truly amazed by the wealth of knowledge that has come to me from reading As a Man Thinketh. Every single day I read there is something else that rings completely true for me. I continually share bits and pieces of them in my facebook. It has been such a treasure to me. This small book is jam packed with goodness. I would highly recommend reading it. You can go online and the text is all on there for free. Here is a link
Happy Reading!

Aubrey's playing her first live show

I am so excited about this. Aubrey is playing her first live show this Wednesday in Provo. She has such an amazing voice. I have missed hearing her sing since she moved out on her own. I can't wait..

My reading as of late

"Man is buffeted by circumstances so long as he believes himself to be the creature of outside conditions, but when he realizes that he is a creative power, and that he may command the hidden soil and seeds of his being out of which circumstances grow, he then becomes the rightful master of himself." - James Allen


Jonathan got an IPad from his boss and I have really enjoyed having it. What I have enjoyed most is an application called IBook. It allows me to have so many books at the touch of my fingertips. Some of my favorite books are free! The one I am reading again is called As a man Thinketh by James Allen. I think this is on my list of one of my favorites. It's full of so much thought provoking material for such a small book. I would highly recommend it.

My Quandary

So I am having a predicament and I am really not sure what to do about it. How personal do I make my blog? You see I am having lots of learning experiences lately that have really opened my eyes to some of my own behaviors. Do I write about those or do I just keep this blog about the happenings in my family life. I am not sure what to do. This I think is why my posts have been few and far between lately.
For instance I have been reading some amazing books. I have had some ah-ha moments with them, some that have really awakened me to behaviors that I want to change in myself. But, I struggle with knowing what to share. Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. Hopefully, I will get it figured out and post more one way or the other..

Catch up

Oh! What a bad blogger I am. So much has happened. So I really would like to hit on the highlights. But, we usually take all the pictures with Jonathan's phone and so when I sit down to update, I think "I have got to go to his computer and get the pictures that I want." Than, end up not updating anything because I don't have the pictures to go along with it. So, my goal is to get these things done by the end of this week.
But for today I want to write what is on my mind right now.
I was reading in Matthew chapter 11. There were a few things that really stood out to me. In verse 19 it talks about how the Pharisees were judging Christ and he once again says it is by our works and deeds that will tell us in whom we follow.
This theme keeps playing out for me in my life. I am guessing the Lord really wants me to be aware of my actions towards others, especially those that are closest to me. Sometimes, it is easier to be nicer to strangers than the ones that I love. It also helps me to remember to not make unrighteous judgments. I can do better. I am thankful for this continual reminder for me in all the things I have been reading lately. For me it's like a big flashing sign that says " this is what you need to be working on." I am thankful for that.

Actions speak louder than words

I have always been a big believer in the saying actions speak louder than words. In the last general conference we had, I heard the quote "your actions are speaking so loudly, I can't hear what you are saying." I have tried to make sure that my words and actions are saying the same thing. Right now I am reading the most amazing book and I came across something that I would like to share.
" there is a power in every word we say and every thought we think, but sometimes the greatest service we can offer is not to say something. Words are but one form of communication and they are not nearly as potent as the energy contained in our actions, including our thoughts, body language, eye contact and facial expressions. You know you trust the energy behind the words spoken to you far more than you do the words themselves. When you say something you don't mean, you know the other person picks that up. You can feel it."
This was an Ah hah! Moment for me. I really want to commit myself to be able to do this and be this.

Just at the right time

It seems to me that whatever I am looking for I find it. If I choose to look for the bad in things I find it. The great thing about this is, it happens with the good also. I was having a particularly hard evening and decided to read and try and get my mind off of things that have been weighing me down. I found this great quote that I really want to share.

     
“... joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”

-Kahlil Gibran

A prayer by Thomas Merton

This is just what I needed today. So, I am going to share.


My Lord God

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am following

your will does not mean

that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that my desire to please you

does in fact please you.

And I hope that I have that desire

in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything

apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this

you will lead me by the right road

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always

though I may seem to be lost

and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear,

for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me

to face my troubles all alone.

Some of the hardest things to do

Lately, I will admit, that I have been having a rough time. But, I am grateful that the Lord sends Angels into my life right when I think I can't do it anymore. I know we all have these times and I really don't like publishing my boo hoo moments because I know I am not very different from so many other people. These are some of the things that have been on my mind lately.
Do I really follow Christ through my example? Am I willing to really forgive and turn the other cheek when I feel like I have been wronged? These are some of the things that have tested me lately. I can come up with justifications on why I did this or that. But, it really comes down to that I have taken Christs name upon me and in so doing I have a responsibility to be like him. Oh! and sometimes it is really hard!!
I was challenged by one of my angels to read D&C 121. This has really helped to give me perspective. I am thankful for the tender mercies of my heavenly father. I really needed one today.

My grandma

I went and visited my grandma yesterday. It was a bittersweet visit. I know that it was probably my last one with her while she is on this earth. I went and sat by her bedside and held her hand. The first thing she said to me was " oh your hands are cold." she than grabbed both of my hands and put them in between hers so she could warm them up. That small act of love is what my grandmother has always been about, thinking of others. She is such an example of what Jesus Christ taught. How blessed I am to have her as my grandma.


She played pat a cake with Adalyn and sang pop goes the weasel. We all sang if you're happy and you know it.
She seemed to wear out fast. I just held her hand and stared at her beautiful face while she slept. I love this woman so much. My heart filled with gratitude for being blessed enough to be her granddaughter, to be taught so many great lessons by her example throughout my life. While she will be missed here, I am thankful for the knowledge that I know she will be with my grandpa, dad, brother Joel, and so many other loved ones that have passed on. What a great reunion that will be..

All you need is love

Isn't it the truth though.


There's nothing you can do that can't be done.Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time - It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.

England and back

For the last four months Aubrey has been planning her trip to England. She started talking to the family at the end of January. She bought her plane ticket the beginning of February and has been planning her life accordingly. She said her goodbyes to her family and friends, packed her suitcases and her room because we are moving in a few months and I didn't want to do it. She was sad to leave but so excited for a new adventure in a different country for the rest of the year.
We took her to the airport Wednesday afternoon and all said our goodbyes through tears.I knew she would land in London Heathrow at about 5 am our time. I got a call from her at 6 am and this is what she said " Mom I am trying really hard not to cry but immigration will not let me through. They have searched all my suitcases. They have gone through all my personal items including my journal and read some of my most cherished letters. They tell me that my story is sending up red flags and they are going to give me a formal interview. I have already been sitting here for over an hour."
I am frantic. Both Jonathan and I start calling trying to figure out exactly where she is and what the problem is. Well, we find out that the UK has a law against Au Pairs coming into England from the United States. It is very specific to Americans. The family she was going to stay with did not know the law. They had 2 nannies previously that were both European. After the family she was staying with talked to immigration and we talked to immigration they still decided to send her home. It's the law.
The worst part about it was they treated her as if she were a criminal. They would not allow her any of her belongings. She had a horrific headache and only gave her medicine after Jonathan called 2 different times and yelled at them to give her some aspirin. She had to stay in this small room and couldn't leave. She was in London and could not see anything.She had to sleep in chairs.
They booked her a flight for the next day at 10:00 am London time which is 3 am our time. But, they still would not allow her to have any of her things. They gave it all to the flight attendant including her passport.
When she arrived at JFK she had to be escorted off the plane. But, when she got to customs they asked her why she was back so soon and she told them of her story. With the biggest grin and a very heavy New York accent the man said "welcome home!" Aubrey's response to that was " I love America.. I love Americans!!"
While I am glad she is home safe and sound, my heart hurts for her. She really has been devastated by the whole experience. She has spent so much time and money into making this happen and it didn't. I just hope to hurry and find her a job so she can put her mind on other things.

Bon Voyage

My baby is leaving to England tomorrow. Yesterday was a hard day for me. It is hard to see her grow up and move away. There are so many things that I am going to miss while she is gone. I am going to miss her beautiful singing voice. She is always singing, around the house, in the car, the shower, while we are eating. When we are in church, sometimes I will stop singing just so I can hear her sing. I will miss her infectious bubbly happiness. People just want to be around her when she is like this. I will miss her amazing cleaning skills. She can clean a house like no other. I will miss her strong spirit in my home.
She is so talented. I love watching her come up with new ideas for photography. She is so much like her father in the way she thinks and acts. I am just not ready for her to go. We have had a saying since she was very young. It is " I love you a million sweedish fish and red M&Ms." But, I love her even more than that.
I will miss you Aubrey Lee!


She is so beautiful and talented!


One of my favorites.

9 months old

Oh! my goodness. Why does she have to grow up so fast? I really would like to slow her down. She is my last baby and I am trying so hard to enjoy every moment I have with her. Everything she does is just the best. She is such a happy baby and is always smiling. She has learned to crawl, which is so cute because it is sort of gimp crawling. When we sing "if you're happy and you know it" she claps in the right places. She will actually grab my own hands and make me clap also. We have had a hard time feeding her solid foods because if she can't feed it to herself than she doesn't want it. She constantly tries to grab the spoon from me while I am feeding her. Can you say independent already? She doesn't have any teeth yet. But, she seems like she has been teething forever. I hope they come in soon. She is such a ray of sunshine in our lives. I am so thankful for her.

one of my greatest loves

Growing up in the Victor Dean family I almost can't help but love basketball. Lots of my fondest memories with my dad have to do with basketball. Well, these last few months have been full of my favorite sport. I was able to go to game 6 of the Jazz/Nuggets series. We watched them play an amazing game and wrap up the series at home. I absolutely loved it. I always said if I were wealthy I would buy season tickets right on the floor. Oh! what a dream. Anyway, let's hope they can do it again against the Lakers. I would love for the Finals to be the Jazz and the Celtics, my 2 favorite teams.

Oh! wouldn't that be awesome...

a bit of ranting

Oh man! Sometimes it is so hard to be a parent. I have all the best intentions to be a good example to them, to try and make sure they know I love them and trust them. It just seems in the past few weeks it has become really hard to the point where I want to just pick up and go hide out for a week or so. I wouldn't do it but sometimes I sure feel like it. I am tired of the same behaviors being exhibited and than the consequences are handed out but it happens again. Yes, I am being vague on purpose to spare embarrassment to some of my children. But, what other things do I do? I feel like a failure. I really keep the mantra in my head "just keep swimming swimming..." over and over again. I try and talk with a soft voice even sometimes through clenched teeth and sometimes I don't speak softly at all but I yell... and than have major guilt when I say my prayers at night.
I love being a mother to my children. I am blessed with 5 beautiful, unique souls. But, man oh man! IT IS SO HARD!!!!! I will be happy if I can just get through this week in one piece.

My big and little helper

I am a very healthy person. I hardly ever get sick, which is a great blessing, especially for a mother. But, yesterday I woke up with a migraine. I have had 4 migraine headaches in my life. It was completely debilitating. If I tried to get up, I became very dizzy and sick to my stomach. I wondered how in the heck I was going to take care of Adalyn. Aubrey had to be at school. Jonathan just started a new job and could not miss work. So, I asked Haylee if she would stay home and help me take care of Addie. She was more than willing to help me out. She did such a great job. She helped change her diaper. She stayed on my bed with her and watched TV while I slept. She even brought me a glass of water and rubbed my neck. She played with her and kept her entertained until Aubrey got home.
When Aubrey got home she took Adalyn and just let me sleep. She dressed her and even painted her toenails. It is so nice to not have to worry about these things when I am feeling sick. I really have such good girls.

Going to England

Aubrey is going to Worcestershire England for 6 months to be a Nanny. She applied about a month ago and found a few families that were really interested in having her as a nanny. She really got a great feeling about this one couple in England. So, she will be leaving at the beginning of May to start a new adventure.
I have such mixed emotions about it. I am excited for her. This is a great opportunity for her to travel and meet new people. But, she is leaving. My baby is leaving. I know that this was going to happen eventually but, I was hoping for awhile down the road.
She is so excited, she can hardly stand it. We are in the process of getting her passport and plane ticket together. We have already checked on churches close by. There are three near where she is living. I am so glad for that.
I just wish that my kids would not grow up so fast. I am not ready for this..

6 months old

I can't believe it. Adalyn is already 6 months old. It has gone by so fast for me. I have loved every single minute of being her mommy. She is such a good baby. I have given her the nickname Smiley. She is always smiling. She has such a sweet disposition about her.


Her accomplishments in this amount of time are rolling from front to back and from back to front. She can almost sit up by herself. She loves people food. Her first taste of food was around Thanksgiving. She had sweet potatoes and loved them. I guess she takes after her mommy there. She is about 16.5 lbs but not sure on height. I have to take her in for her check-up to get that.


She LOVES to jump. You will find her jumping anytime she is in a standing position. It feels like she has springs in her legs. She is a quiet baby though. The only time you will really here her is when she is upset about something.
I cherish so much this time I have with her. The only thing I would change is to slow it down. It is going by to fast for me.

Devin

Devin has had a busy last few months. He decided to try his hand at wrestling.This was a great time commitment for him as they have 2 1/2 hours of practice every weekday and tournaments on Tuesday and Saturdays. He has really loved it and has learned a lot. It sure is an intense sport though, different from most other sports because it is just one on one. Sometimes I find it hard to watch him because it is so intense.
This is him placing 2nd in his weight division for a tournament in Delta.

He also is refereeing 5th and 6th grade basketball again. He really enjoys this and can make some money also.He is trying to decide what he wants to do for high school next year. He was thinking about going to UCAS which is an accelerated high school on the campus of UVU. He would have his associate degree by the time he graduated from high school and have 2 more years of education paid for to get his bachelors degree. But, this would mean leaving his friends and really having to buckle down and concentrate on his studies, not much time for anything else.

He was also just made President of the Teachers Quorum for our ward. He takes this calling seriously and attends all his meetings that are required of him without much complaining either. He is a good boy and I can truly say he is such a joy for me to raise. I know having teenagers has its hard times but, I am okay with that because it sure has its good times too.

All she wanted for Christmas.

I must say that some of the cutest pictures of my kids is when they have lost their 2 front teeth and Haylee did it just in time for Christmas. She did say she thought it would be gross to ask Santa for 2 front teeth. In her words " where would he get them from and what kid would want to find teeth in their stocking? That's just gross. " She is so funny.
On another note, she turned 7 on the 31st. She is my New Years baby. We always have such a HUGE celebration for her birthday. Well, the whole country does or atleast she thinks so. Oh! to be 7 again. I love my Haylee bug..

Hello again

So I have been gone for awhile. I thought I would do a few catch up posts this weekend. But, I had to share this poem that Jerin, my 11 year old wrote. We had Parent Teacher Conferences and he read this aloud to me.
Here is his poem he wrote in school.


If I were in charge of the World


if i were in charge of the world I'd cancel- dramatic vampire movies, awkward moments on the phone,
naked good luck trolls on pencils,
excruciating headaches and boring typing classes.
If i were in charge of the world, There'd be cheap sushi,
free stuff for every A you get on your report card,
santa would come more than once a year,
pomegranates are a lot cheaper,
and sugar is a fruit.


if i were in charge of the world
you wouldnt have drugs.
you wouldnt have alcohol.
you wouldnt have burnt toast.
or " you didnt put a bag in the trash can"
you wouldnt even have crooked teeth.
If i were in charge of the world, reading would be a sport.
All hairs would be a little straighter.
and a person who sometimes forgot to go to bed,
and sometimes forgot to write down the homework,
would still be allowed to be in charge of the world.
-Jerin Bond

I got all teary eyed when he was done because first of all, it made me realize that he is growing up so fast and also that he is very expressive in his writing. What a great kid he is. He brings me so much joy. I love being a Mom.